Managing False and Unrealistic Expectations 

One of the most difficult things that I’ve faced as a minister, business owner, or employee is the grey area of false and unrealistic expectations. Often, people expect a great deal from you, but they place little to no responsibility on themselves. When that happens, it fosters false and unrealistic expectation.

Jesus faced this difficult area without giving in to the false and unrealistic expectations of others, including those of His mother, and His brothers and sisters. In one instance, Jesus was notified by His mother that “They have no wine.” Jn. 2:3. Mary expected Jesus to do something in this situation, which He did. But His response to her expectation is worthy of note: “Woman, what have I to do with thee?” Jn. 2:4. 

Notice, He doesn’t call Mary mother or mom, but He says to her, woman. By doing this, He sets Himself apart from and free from her expectations. Now, He didn’t dishonor her by doing this. No, He confronted her false expectation of Him. And He says to her, not mother, as we would expect Him to call her; rather He uses the word woman. 

Why did Jesus do this? To correct Mary’s expectation of Him. He, with a single sentence, reminded her of who she is and who He is. Now, in the end, Jesus did meet His mother’s expectation, but only because it was His Father’s will. In other words, He did what God wanted in humble submission to His will, which was in alignment with what His mother wanted. That’s how to properly handle false and unrealistic expectations.

Yet few of us handle false and unrealistic expectations as well as Jesus did. On many occasions, I have faced the false and unrealistic expectations of others. From business clients to church members to other ministers to the poor — yada, yada, yada. Tough? Yes, but it’s required to learn how to deal with those kinds of expectations, especially if you’re going to accomplish anything.

How should we deal with the false and unrealistic expectations of others? We should follow Jesus’s example. We should first expose it. Yes, exposing false and unrealistic expectations is the first step. False and unrealistic expectations, like a balloon, must be popped.

Once we expose the falsity and lack of realism in expectations, we should expect push back. Why? People always think they’re right even when they’re wrong. And the only way to deal with false and unrealistic expectations is by bringing them into the light of day. Here facts, and the proper framing of facts, become vital. We must state the facts, unabashedly, unashamedly, and unflinchingly. 

Hard? Yes, but necessary. In doing so, you may be called uncaring, unfeeling, and downright mean. But the truth is you are seeking to save the person by “speaking the truth in love.” Eph. 4:15. Yes, relying on facts prevents others from relying on their feelings or distorting truth. It’s vital in confronting false and unrealistic expectations.

Now, I’m going to say this because it needs to be said, speaking the truth in love doesn’t always work, and is usually not received well. Why is that? People don’t like to hear that they’re wrong. They like to believe they’re right, even when they’re wrong. That’s the norm.

Because of that fact of human existence, I’ve found it extremely important to learn how to manage others expectations by sharing with them reasonable expectations along the process. For example, every author always thinks their book is the next bestseller. But having a bestselling book requires more than great writing or great editing or marketing, it also requires a lot of work in promoting your book. It has been said that no one sell your book as well as you. 

Most of the time, people are unwilling to do what’s necessary to become a bestselling author, or to be significant in any field. At the end of the day, you, no matter what hand you’ve been dealt, are responsible for your success or failure. And that’s a hard pill for most people to swallow.

Jerry Savelle described this moment aptly when he shared a story of when he was watching Terry Bradshaw competing in the Super Bowl. According to Savelle, the Holy Spirit said to him, there are many Terry Bradshaw’s watching the Super Bowl today. Savelle learned something that day, as I did when Savelle shared this story, not everyone is willing to do what Bradshaw did to become Terry Bradshaw, the Super Bowl champion. Yes, many people had the ability but not the work ethic to become a champion. 

Yesterday, I was reading a story about Carl Weathers, the famous actor who starred as Apollo Creed in the movie, Rocky. Weathers confessed that it wasn’t just his ability that allowed him to become the Carl Weathers we know. Rather, it was his ability plus his being at the right place at the right time. Timing is everything. But that doesn’t mean ability isn’t important. Nor does it mean we shouldn’t manage the expectations of those we meet on our journey along the path of life.

Yes, we must manage the expectations of others without losing our expectation in God. And that’s not an easy task. But thankfully, we have a great person to follow in Jesus. So, don’t give up on your dream and don’t give up on people; rather, put your faith where it should be, in God, and honestly confront false and unrealistic expectations along the way. Doing so will prevent a myriad of troubles in your life.

— Scott Wallis